Wednesday, April 21, 2004
It has been longer than I remember since I wrote a thoughtful, eloquent entry. It has been even longer since something or someone provided unspeakable satisfaction and happiness. Maybe it is because of who I am, or who I am becoming. Or maybe I've been living too much in reality, trying to hard to fit in this dull lifestyle. What happened to my goals and my dreams of being somebody or doing something special that only few has managed to accomplish? How did my passion, something that once kept me striving to reach my destination, all of sudden diminishes and dies out? Darkness prevails; I'm groping to find my way out to the light.
I need to find some answers.
As happy as I might seem this semester -- travelling around the world, partying with friends, cruising in my new car -- I feel like it is hollow, like an empty box, once I look inside, there is nothing but disappointment. Don't get me wrong; my life is at its peak, and I'm grateful. But it almost appears like it could be better off and embellished by various interests and accomplishments. I want to taste again the sweetness of winning, of people looking up at me and loving me.
Finally, after five years at CMU, I finished writing a memorable chapter of my life. I look forward into the future, and I only see opportunities to succeed, and most importantly, to write yet another chapter of my life the way I want it to. I will find my way to my destination. The doubt, the unanswered questions, will be resolved. Will I then be satisfied? I don't know. But I know that whatever I had to do to reach my destination, I won't regret a bit of it.
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What the hell was I writing?!
I need to find some answers.
As happy as I might seem this semester -- travelling around the world, partying with friends, cruising in my new car -- I feel like it is hollow, like an empty box, once I look inside, there is nothing but disappointment. Don't get me wrong; my life is at its peak, and I'm grateful. But it almost appears like it could be better off and embellished by various interests and accomplishments. I want to taste again the sweetness of winning, of people looking up at me and loving me.
Finally, after five years at CMU, I finished writing a memorable chapter of my life. I look forward into the future, and I only see opportunities to succeed, and most importantly, to write yet another chapter of my life the way I want it to. I will find my way to my destination. The doubt, the unanswered questions, will be resolved. Will I then be satisfied? I don't know. But I know that whatever I had to do to reach my destination, I won't regret a bit of it.
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What the hell was I writing?!
